Still Angry

Many scenes in episode 18 clearly show that Asuka is still mad at Shinji for how he behaved the night of the kiss. To begin with, Asuka leaves home early. Misato supposes it’s because she doesn’t want to see her since she and Kaji are back together, but that’s only an half-truth. When Asuka arrives late at school, Shinji asks her about the reason of her delay and she angrily replies: “I just didn’t want to see your faces! You Three Stooges!” i.

Then, after the lessons are over, Asuka walks her friend Hikari home, instead of going home with Shinji. When Hikari mentions this “change of walking partner”, Asuka immediately distances herself from spending time with Shinji. She states that being with Shinji is part of her duty as a pilot, implying it doesn’t depend on her. She also adds that “right now I don’t feel like looking at him”. With all that has recently happened between them (the kiss, Asuka surpassed by Shinji), it doesn’t come as a surprise that she doesn’t want to look at him. Shortly after, Asuka lays it on thick:

Hikari: But Ikari-kun seems naive.
Asuka: Actually, he’s just a dolt. He’s an idiot too. He hasn’t got any idea as to how to relate to others.

When Asuka says “others”, she is probably referring to herself as if she wanted to say: “Shinji is incapable of relating with me, despite all my attempts”. Asuka puts all the blame on Shinji, and she could be right, if only she didn’t suffer from the same problem Shinji has. Indeed, it is a bit ironical that these words are uttered by her. While she certainly seems to be much more extrovert than Shinji, she isn’t better than him at communicating with other people. Her relationship with Shinji is the best example at how she fails to express her feelings, not only when she’s talking to him, but also when she’s talking to others about him. Consider, for example, the tirade she gave to Rei and Misato after Shinji was swallowed by Leliel. Or even in this very case: Hikari is Asuka’s closest friend, and she has confided in Asuka about her love for Toji, yet Asuka cannot do the same and tell her about Shinji.

A third, key scene follows the Asuka/Hikari dialogue. Asuka and Shinji are at home, she is reading a book, he is sitting at a nearby table while a soap opera is playing in the background. It is exactly the soap opera’s dialogues that indirectly reveal Asuka’s thoughts:

TV woman: A man who sucks at kissing never works out!
TV man: My kissing sucks?
Kaji: Are you two always like this when Katsuragi’s gone?
TV woman: Not just your kissing!

Also notice that…first: Shinji tries to start a conversation with Asuka, but she interrupts him almost immediately and switches the focus on Kaji i. Second: Asuka knows Touji is the fourth children, but she doesn’t tell Shinji i. Third: Kaji is at home, yet Asuka isn’t happy.

What can we infer from all these elements? Shinji’s lack of reaction during the kiss has, and will have, a huge impact on Asuka. As Asuka’s attempts to get closer to Shinji (and on Shinji’s side his non-reactions) begin to pile up, Asuka becomes more and more upset about it. Asuka perceives Shinji’s actions as a rejection and the more failed attempts she collects, the more she is consumed by Shinji’s unresponsive behaviour.

At this point, she is so fed up she doesn’t even want to talk to him (leaving early for school, going home without him, not letting him speak…), nor behave in a mature way (not telling Toji’s name being aware Shinji wanted to know it looks like a pique a child would do). She would like to be in a good mood because Kaji is at home, but her sadness over Shinji is strong. Actually it is so strong that Asuka, who isn’t normally keen to reveal her feelings, cannot hide how she feels and openly declares to be unhappy: “I want to be happy because you are here tonight. But I can’t, not tonight!”.